So yes, it was an epic vegan meal fail by Cathay. More than happy to self-cater in economy, but seriously, in business class? No way! My expectations of Cathay were much higher and they completely sucked on these two flights as far as vegan meals go.
If you're hoping for fine dining with a special meal, that's just the wrong expectation in J class. Especially on CX. Their catering is already poor to begin with and frankly biz class on any airline is sonewhat comfortable, but definitely not the height of luxury. Hell I self cater in J all the time on a number of carriers (or just eat befor), and I don't order special meals. The bottom line is real food tastes better than food reheated in an aluminum tube at 30k feet. Same applies for F as well frankly. I'm not a fan when food in J isn't good, but that's not my expectation on any airline. F I expect it, but even then a lot of times it isn't very good.
The milk and coffee thing is very bizarre, to
ausriver 's point above. They don't just serve it mixed to anybody so this is quite strange. And if they add cream they usually do it right there in front of you, after asking how you'd like it.
It almost seems like your wife's special meal was either ordered or executed completely backwards, is there a meal that requires extra dairy in everything? Obviously that was screwed up completely. It sounds like dairy was on everything.