I too am looking for some of that Flyertalk Voodoo Mojo Magic.

Me, my fiance, and my friend are all going on a trip soon out of Seattle. SeaTac is notorious for its poor TSA lines (3 areas, only one open and it has a line snaking throughout the terminal). To avoid that, we decided to go for global entry since it works coming back from any country and gets you that sweet TSA PreCheck line.

Anyways, we all applied the same day within hours of each other, on 2018/12/04.
Payment was taken out on 2018/12/04 for all of them.
My friend and I were both conditionally approved within 5 days, on the 2018/12/09, whereas my fiance has now been waiting 9+ days now.

Wish they would hurry up!