I agree. Another way of saying it is that whilst politeness has a value as a code (it is still better to have people thanking each other and holding doors even if they don't "mean it" than tell each other to get lost and slam the door in each other's face), it is better to have a politeness that expresses meaning and intention.



Indeed. Ultimately, a small minority of people are genuinely empathetic, and of course, inability to empathise is, in and by itself, an important psychiatric symptom for some pathologies. I'm not suggesting that people can be 'made' empathetic, but what parents can and should do is to point out an empathetic outlook to their kids. If the child has a tendency to be empathetic, then that will resonate with them. There is also a "gymnastic" element to empathy - emphasising that there is a vision of things beyond one's own, that others may perceive them differently, is a form of gymnastic. And yes, this is more about leading by example than just saying things (or only saying things that match the example we give) but that is pretty much true of every aspect of education, so parents who are empathetic with their kids as well as with others will also have a much greater chance of conveying to them a sense of empathy.