Perhaps not terribly helpful as my experience may not be representative, but it is another data point. I flew VS from LHR-JFK last week and had similar concerns as the OP’s wife after hearing negative stories from others. I was careful to keep the weight of my 19in wheelie under the 22lb limit including my computer which was placed in that bag as required, and replaced my usual computer bag/tote with a smaller bag that held my regular personal items plus my quart bag, iPad, and spare power cords. Perhaps I was lucky, but I needn’t have worried. With no baggage to check, I used a kiosk to check in for the flight, including scanning my passport and printing my boarding pass, so I did not interact with any agent pre-security. Nobody looked at, let alone inspected the contents of, weighed or measured my bags.