Conrad Koh Samui
I had arranged a transfer through the hotel and sure enough, a driver met us at the arrival meeting point with his Toyota Fortuner.
It was a not-quick-at-all hour-plus drive from one end of the island to the other, underscoring how the Conrad is at the most remote possible point on the island. But after a long drive and a last few kilometers of narrow back roads that couldn’t possibly lead to the right place, we emerged at the top of the hill at the hotel’s arrivals lobby.
A couple of cold towels and cold drinks were quickly delivered to us as we took a seat while the hotel staff processed our check-in. Even though it wasn’t that hot out—being February and all—they were still a great touch.
After a brief buggy ride down the hill, we arrived at our villa to complete the check-in process. Absolutely amazing.
A bottle of wine and some fruit were waiting for us as a welcome gift.
One surprise was that after a thorough walkthrough of my Hilton Diamond benefits, we ended up with a Hilton Gold welcome card and two drink vouchers. A call to the service line the next day cleared up the matter and netted us the four drink vouchers the hotel promises to Diamond members.
Also, while the staff noted several times that we had been upgraded to a 200-level villa, my understanding is that it was the same as the villa we had originally booked; some time in the last year, the points redemption went from being a 200-level villa to being a 100-level villa. No further upgrades presented themselves since the entire resort was very sold out for a wedding while we were there. That said, I don’t really see a need to worry about upgrades, as nearly all of the villas are the same and only differ in variations of the same breathtaking view.
No sooner had we opened the wine than the hotel staff arrived for turn-down service, and the two towel elephants on the bed turned into four.
The next morning, we woke up with the sunrise and checked out our private infinity pool. With views like this, we could probably just lounge here for the next week.
But alas, hunger got the best of us and we went over to Zest, the hotel’s main restaurant, for breakfast.
We were quickly seated at one of the best tables on the patio, which is pretty easy when most of the tables are the best table.
Like many breakfast buffets in this part of the world, there were options for days. Thai food, Chinese food, American food, a salad bar, fresh fruit, fresh pastries, a noodle bar, a smoothie bar, and more.
A separate menu contained made-to-order egg specials. We tried the Thai Benedict, which was outstanding.
Near the end of our breakfast, a server made the rounds with a tray of red velvet cake, for reasons that remain unclear. Nonetheless, it was also delicious.
After breakfast, we took an hour or so to explore the resort. The pool is nice, but who needs it when you have one of your own back at your villa?
We stopped for lunch later on at Azure, the hotel’s poolside restaurant. The fresh coconuts are nicely on brand.
The food was great, too. We got a salad and a pizza to share.
The drinks, on the other hand, were super watered down. Every cocktail I had on the resort was just tasteless.
On our second night, we had dinner at Jahn, the hotel’s fine dining restaurant. We arrived just a couple minutes past our 6 pm reservation and were immediately seated in what was a relatively empty restaurant. Just over half of the tables are by the window and have the same signature view as most of the resort.
My wife ordered the “Journey of Jahn” and I ordered the “Tasting of Jahn”, both relatively equivalent but different tasting menus. We also got wine pairings.
The service seemed to be running on island time, so it was a solid half an hour after we sat down before we had anything to eat.
The appetizer trios:
Toong Thong chicken, betel leaf with prawns, vegetable spring roll
Mahor chicken, betel leaf with prawns, fresh spring roll with fish.
The carved pineapple was a novel serving plate for the little meatball, and the spring roll was straightforward. The betel leaf item sent coconut flying everywhere when I tried to eat it.
The first wines: Greywacke Sauvignon Blanc 2016 for her and Weingut Bründlmayer Grüner Veltliner “Leicht & Trocken” 2015 for me.
First courses:
Seared red tuna, lotus seed, avocado purée topped with Thai herbs, lemon and mint sauce, served on the lotus leaf
Green papaya, papaya caviar, cashew nuts & deep fried chicken wrapped in pandanus leaves.
The presentation of papaya salad was a cute one, but the papaya was bland and the “caviar” on top tasted of nothing more than a vague sensation of plastic. The pandan-wrapped chicken was hard to eat. The sauce underneath it was fantastic.
Fish courses:
Slow cooked lobster with aromatic Thai herbs, coconut reduction, red curry sauce and tapioca pearl
Hot and sour soup, tiger prawn, shallots, coriander and red chili.
This is their signature dish, and for good reason. Tom Yum Goong is ubiquitous especially in this touristy part of Thailand, and this take on it is unforgettable. Pouring the broth through the aromatics into a teapot and then into a bowl with the shrimp is way fun and turns out just perfectly.
Shrimp was overcooked, though.
Second wines: Domaine Long-Depaquit Chablis 2014 for her and Grosset Springvale Riesling 2014.
Palate cleansers:
Lemongrass sorbet
Rosella sorbet, which tasted amazingly like Heinz ketchup.
Main courses:
Roasted crispy pork with Thai kale, ruby sauce
Wagyu beef tenderloin, new potatoes, pearl onions, peanuts and red onion.
This is the famous “Massaman of Wagyu beef”, about which they boast how long it was cooked sous-vide. And then they come out and ruin it by pressing it with a vintage clothing iron until it’s gray halfway through. I have no idea who came up with this idea.
The Massaman curry sauce was so amazingly delicious as to make up for it, though!
The rice was nicely green, but mostly tasted like water.
Main course wines: Torbreck Cuvée Juveniles GSM 2011 for her and Kanonkop Pinotage 2013 for me.
Pre-dessert: Thai melon ice cream and midori. Really great.
Desserts:
Grilled banana, banana parfait, almond crumbles, blossoms with caramel sauce and coconut ice cream
Sweet potato tart, apple compote, passion fruit coulis and guava sorbet.
Sweet and delicious. The tart on its own would have been every overlooked pumpkin pie on my family’s Thanksgiving table but when paired with the guava sorbet, the dish came alive. At least we can talk about ending on a high note.
Dessert wines: Monsoon Valley Chenin Blanc Late Harvest 2012 for her and Bird of Fire Botrytis 2015 for me.
Petits fours.
Overall, it was some very interesting nouveau Thai cuisine. It was also quite a lot of money for dishes where each one had something about it that wasn’t great and a lot more money for some pretty low-end wine.
The service was friendly and relatively proper, but also so slow that I wasn’t sure whether it was running on island time or whether something was genuinely wrong in the kitchen.
I’ve read quite a few reviews of this dining experience here on the forums and all of them say it’s over the top amazing, and I guess setting my expectations based on that just left me a bit disappointed.
It was still a good meal, but I’m not sure I would call it memorable.
The review
This is one of the two or three nicest resorts in the world under Hilton’s very large umbrella, and they didn’t get there by luck or by default. I’ve never before been in a premium hotel room that had such a good use of space and I’ve never before seen such a great balance of everything you need and nothing you don’t.
You’re met at every turn with delightful people and stunning vistas, and it’s very, very hard not to relax in paradise.
On the one hand, I think five nights is the upper limit of how long I’d want to spend in any one place, and on the other, I’m not sure I’ve ever been so sad when it was time to leave.
Next time, I might spend a little more time off resort, especially for meals, but this will still be a favorite for me. Coming here requires a very long trip (at least as long as we’re living in the USA) so I’m not sure when we’ll be back, but we’ll keep fond memories until we do.