Park Hyatt NYC is a once in a lifetime experience ... because you'll never catch me visiting that property ever again. Where to start?

• At checkin for a one-night stay, I was gleefully informed that although they had previously confirmed me with a comp suite upgrade, I'm now in an "executive king" which provides "more room".
• I was also informed that coffee, tea and water are free, while "everything else" in the room "costs money".
• They confirmed a 4 pm late checkout.
• If you like a view of a brick wall 20 feet away, then you'll love the view from my luxuriously upgraded room (#1513)
• The desk had a large bowl containing two "what-the-hell-is-that?" fruits. Maybe giant yellow apples? I didn't dare touch them, due to the earlier admonishment that "everything else" "costs money".
• I asked if breakfast was included. They replied that it's covered up to $45, and "anything above that will be charged".
• They put a $250 hold on my credit card for a one-night free (cat 1-7 cert) stay.
• I lied like a politician by claiming there were two people in the reservation, when in fact it was just little old me. The main reason for telling such a whopper is that I did not want to be limited to just one item ("The 57th Street Breakfast") on the menu.
• I ordered "Crispy Bass and Grits" (just over 30 bucks), a New York Bagel ($12) and coffee ($13). Total bill for Breakfast For One, including tax and the automatically-added tip, was just a shade under 71 bucks. It was good, but not $71 worth of good. To their credit, all breakfast charges were removed. (Because the rez said two people)
• Room key stopped working at 12 noon.

Location is good. Staff members are friendly. Room is fine. Amenities are spare but good. Wi-fi is good. In fact, everything about the hotel is great, except for the tiny little fact that they seem to view customers as minor annoyances who like to come in and spoil their beautiful hotel.

In terms of providing a once-in-a-lifetime unforgettable experience, PHNY was spot-on. In terms of the kind of things I look for in a HOTEL, I'll definitely choose a different property next time, 100% guaranteed.

Park Hyatt New York ... Been There, Done That.