How do I love thee, Aeromexico, let me count the ways.

(1) Your front cabin fares to South America are sometimes excellent; and,
(2) The sum of DL MQMs one receives when flying thee in the front cabin are also excellent.
(3) You now participate in TSA precheck.

The end.

No, this is not the end of the trip report, but rather, the end of the ways I love Aeromexico. And now, we continue as follows:

I recently had the distinct honor and pleasure of flying AM SFO/MEX/SCL in its Clase Premier. This is not to be confused with its Clase Basura, just behind those curtains, although at times, one might confuse some Basura infiltration in front of the curtain. This was my first AM flight as a Sky Team flyer with status. Yes, I am now a ST elite, for the first time in my life. This is not to say that I haven’t previously flown AM. It is to say that previously, I flew AM as a partner of Alaska Airlines, prior to its recent divorce, and also prior to AM having my name on its manifest as a Sky Team Elite Plus. Not only does my poopoodoodookaka no longer stink, but I apparently now have a special halo and glow when I embark an airship.

As January was turning to February, and since it had been just about a month since I last had a fresh cherry in season, it was time to return to Chile. And so, after an uneventful ride to SFO, I found myself at the airport, where I entered the special check-in line, where I did not have to wait. Although I had used OLCI, I wanted my rollerbag to have the AM cabin baggage tag. For those unfamiliar with AM, it is always a good idea to have one of those on your bag, especially if flying out of or through MEX. What was particularly nice about my new boarding passes was that, although the ones I printed at home showed me entitled to Sky Priority, the airport-printed ones also showed Elite Plus. Feeling super-important, I then proudly marched to the Precheck security line. After a short wait, I was ready to enter the AF/KL lounge, just a short walk from the security checkpoint, where the agent greeted me with a smile, checked the documentation, and reminded me that they don’t make flight announcements. So crowded, and getting more and more crowded. I did find a seat to camp at, and sampled a few of the wines and had a little snack. I also had a few cups of water. Water is life.

As the lounge was getting ridiculously crowded, and as I knew the CI lounge upstairs (also, a proud member of Sky Team) was likely open at this hour, I ascended up the mechanical stairway ... or did I use the elevator? I don’t recall. Anyway, somehow I arrived upstairs, and entered the lounge, where the agent also reminded me that there are no flight announcements. It was nice and quiet in there, and after about 20 minutes, I was off to the end of the A pier of gates, to board my 737-800 to Mexico City.

A good feature of AM (note, not a “love,”) is that there are quite a number of boarding zones, each with its own numbered lane. Unlike DL, where there’s a Sky Priority and an Everyone Else lane, AM is more civilized in this regard. How many lanes? Maybe 5, maybe 6. As an elite flyer in the front cabin, I try not to notice just how messy the unwashed masses (at this gate, to my left) are. After a short wait, I was onboard, bags above, and settling into my seat. I then enjoyed a small glass of pre-departure life, and we were off. There isn’t too much to report about the flight. The snack choices were the same as last year (croissant sandwich or lox plate with a cold stale bagel). I had the lox. Part of the bagel ended up in the same home as last year’s bagel, i.e., a MEX incinerator. Along with a couple glasses of wine, a possible short snooze (one of those where you aren’t quite sure if you snoozed for a bit, but you probably did), and watching the map on the screen move like waiting for the water to boil, eventually the plane landed @ MEX. Acceptable crew, good enough flight ... well, until it was time to disembark. The faculty of either the jetbridge school or the “tell the plane where to park” school needs to be fired. After several minutes of jetbridge connection not able to line up, we needed to be hooked back up to the tow to move us a few feet. The fun part about this is that MEX immigration gets increasingly crowded at this hour. Early in the 5am hour, you’ll likely have a short wait. It was no longer early in the 5am hour when I left the plane. (All MEX transit must go through immigration, even if on an international connection.)

Oh, quilombolandia! The arrivals hall. Where is the end of the line? It was well past the end of the ropes, not quite backed up to the escalators, and snaking around. I really couldn’t tell where it ended. I got in what I though was the end, then I thought that might be the end of the Mexican nationals line. I then moved a short way to what I thought was the end of the other line. It turns out that it wasn’t, as I noticed after a few minutes. I accidentally placed myself in the middle of a large family. No one said anything. When we ended up in the roped area, I just waited at the end of one of the turns to let the rest of them pass me. I probably cut through about 50 people, and this was not because of my elite status. It was an accident. If you’ve never arrived MEX to this, you just can’t understand. Eventually the officials sent some of us to the Mexican nationals side, and the room became more manageable. All in all, only about a half hour. Having no luggage to wait for, I went to the transit security escalator, and was back in the departure gates within another 10 minutes.

What is likely my favorite part about MEX is the choice of noisy, overcrowded lounges I have to choose from. As a Terminal 2 passenger who is also a Sky Team Elite flying in Premium Cabin, an American Express Platinum Cardholder (and by virtue of same, a Priority Pass Cardholder), the world is my oyster of lounges. Do I go to the American Express Lounge? Do I visit either of the three Aeromexico Lounges? Do I visit the Aeromar Lounge? Do I visit them all? I had about 3 hours, and wanted to take a shower. I first went to the Amex lounge, which recently reopened after a long remodel/expansion. Much improved. This was (and still isn’t) one of their finest lounges, but I was first greeted by a gentleman at the bottom of the stairway who carried my bag up to the entrance. After a friendly greeting, he then decided I’d be more comfortable upstairs where it is quieter and found me a table. Unlike most lounges, these are pay-for-just-about-everything. Fortunately, there’s a small courtesy menu for Platinum cardholders. I had a bowl of fruit/yogurt/granola, and some pan frances, along with coffee. It was then time to cleanse my soul, and an agent escorted me to a shower room. Even remodeled, there are still no hair dryers. Oh well. All fresh, it was time for a walk. I went to the first AM lounge - line was so long to enter, I walked down the corridor (another minute-plus) to the second AM lounge. No line. Crowded, but I found a seat and small table. I grabbed a large bottle of fine Mexican life (purified, by Coca Cola), and drank away. After some time, it was time for another little walk, so I left some life in the men’s room, and I walked back to the AM Lounge 1, where there was no line, but it was extremely crowded. Most longer-haul flights leave closer to the AM Lounge 1, and they call it the “International” one, but they’re all the same (except for the third lounge out by the regional flight gates). I didn’t visit the Aeromar lounge. Having been, the only reason to go is for a quiet space, a coffee, and a bathroom. On the other hand, a quiet space @ MEX is quite a find.

It finally came time to go out to the gate. Unlike “most of the time,” the flight left from the pier closer to Lounge second. Good. More exercise.

A good feature of AM (note, not a “love,”) is that there are quite a number of boarding zones, each with its own numbered lane. Unlike DL, where there’s a Sky Priority and an Everyone Else lane, AM is more civilized in this regard. How many lanes? Maybe 5, maybe 6. As an elite flyer in the front cabin, I try not to notice just how messy the unwashed masses (at this gate, to my right) are.

Once onboard this 787-9 aircraft (first time on AM), I did like the layout. 1-2-1, much better than the 2-2-2 with tiny footwells of the 787-8. If only the crew were as nice as the layout. Having consumed nearly a full 1.5L bottle of life in the airport, I made a quick trip to the life disposal room before departure. Apparently this is when the PDBs came around, because no one ever came by again, no one even checked to pick up my glass (which I never received), there was no eye contact, no smiles, nothing. I did notice a few other passengers being offered a PDB. I was not one of them. The only smiles I ever saw on this plane were from my video monitor. It was one of those crews that while you couldn’t specifically say they did anything wrong, they were really unpleasant. No eye contact. No smiles. With just about every service item (hot towel, plates or beverages, etc.) I responded with a “gracias” and not once a “de nada.” The only sense of emotion I received at all was when I asked for a glass of wine with the first meal service (it was about 11 am at this point), I received a look of death, because the wines weren’t on the cart. Of course, they obliged, but still ...

Now on to the food. Where are the food pictures? Just like most of my trip reports, your imagination will be better than the thousand words each picture would provide.

The menu. What menu.

The first meal service. At least I now know that the first meal service is more breakfast-like (even though it is about 11am by the time service commences) for the South America day flights. No beverages before the food - a cart arrives and on this flight, there was a choice of a tamal with cheese, or a sandwich of some sort. I had the tamal. It was perfectly not awful, although (and while it likely helped the flavor and kept it somewhat warm) it came wrapped in banana leaves and there was really no decent place to put the leaves on the tray. I had a couple glasses of wine and also, some life. There’s not much more I can say about the first meal service. It came, I ate, it went. I watched a movie where some young guy banged Reese Witherspoon. I saw that the crew set up a snack bar in the galley area between the two Premier sections. I took a couple bottles of life and took a couple of small bites from a croissant sandwich and tossed the remainder into the loo dustbin. I also poured myself about a half-shot of what appeared to be a decent tequila in the hopes that it might assist in a mid-day siesta. I did close my eyes for a while and probably did nap for a short time.

Lest we sleep through an Aeromexico meal, I heard the clinking of carts behind the front curtain, and this could only mean one thing ... the cheese is about to arrive. When one has experience flying AM, what could be described as horror or disappointment turns into expectation ... the expectation that a dinner service on AM starts with a small cheese plate, along with some tiny puffed crackers not suitable for cheese. There were 3 wines on the cart - 2 plastic corked things that were also in the AM lounge (one was a nice fresh 2017 “reservado, the other was the white I had earlier) along with a Montes Alpha, which is what I consumed, lest the cheese should stand alone. As I did not mention it earlier, I will now mention that the cheese plate arrived with a ramekin of cold nuts. I said “gracias” to the flight attendant and as you know, was met with no reply.

After eating part of the cheese, 3 of the nuts, and the three little puffed crackers, along with a glass of Montes Alpha, he returned to remove the cheese plate. So what did I do? I said “gracias.” This was possibly my last “gracias” of the flight. Maybe one more, maybe not. I gave up being polite. I’m already 6+ hours into no smiles and no you’re welcomes. And then the main course cart arrived. The choices were beef, chicken or pasta (and described just as such). It sounded as delicious as a long haul international flight in row 42 from 20+ years ago. Seeing as how the most delicious thing on the plane was the Montes Alpha red wine, I chose the beef. The tray consisted of (1) an uninspired salad, (2) a small plate with marinated asparagus and cherry tomatoes, and (3) two chunks of short-rib meat without the bone along with a dollup of mashed potatoes and some mushrooms. (3) was not awful. I took some of the arugula from the (1) and put it on the (3). I had another glass of Montes Alpha. The remnants of (1) and the entire (2) were likely incinerated at the AEROPUERTO COMODORO ARTURO MERINO BENÍTEZ, or at least on their way to the crematorium. Ah, (4), the flourless chocolate cake with raspberry sauce. This was not bad. I ate about half of it, finished up the Montes Alpha, had some more life, and watched the map.

So, as you sit here reading this story (saying two things, (1) is this ever going to end, and (2) why did you eat the dinner), I ate because I wanted to arrive SCL and just relax and go to bed without foraging for food after 10pm and going to sleep having just eaten. Besides, the story needed another meal.

We landed, I disembarked, I did not say “gracias,” nor “thank you,” I darted to immigration, where the line was very short, and took a taxi into Santiago.

And so, my friends, I love Aeromexico as many ways as the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. If you’re too young to know the answer ...