"Your international cabin crews ARE grandmothers"
Always love the ageist comments about the UA cabin crew. I am around their vintage and never have a problem with them. Maybe a little empathy and respect would go a long way. Can imagine from the tone of your post you would get their backs up straight away.
"Your planes are filthy"
Never been my experience in 15 years flying with them both internationally and within the USA.
As for upgraded cabins and lounges, don't have a clue. Have no status and fly Y.