I just flew from LHR to LAX in F. The purported first class lounge in T1 is an absolute joke.

I was confirmed on the later of the two flights to Los Angeles. I showed up early at the airport and tried to get on the early flight, which had been F0 for days. No luck. I heard the agent tell one passenger that the flight was oversold and he was being downgraded (on a paid ticket) from first to Club. But that is a different discussion.

In any event, I ended up with an extended four hours in the lounge.

What's wrong with the new lounge in T1? First, it's too crowded. I usually fly on Star Alliance tickets and, with the exception of SQ PPS members in SQ lounges, top tier members do not receive access to the first class lounges unless flying in first class. As a result, I am not used to lounges with so many passengers in them.

I was able to access the four computer terminals without too much difficulty during my visit, so that was not a big issue. HOWEVER, what about internet access for those with laptops? There was no broadband available. No wired access. No wireless access. (If BT wireless was supposed to be working, it wasn't...no signal at all.)

No free local calls??? On the phones that would supposedly allow local calls, pressing "9" presented you with a dead line.

I finally went on-line for less than ten minutes to download my e-mail to my laptop. The charge for the phone time (a 0845 number) was six pounds. You must be kidding.

The food was an absolute disgrace. If you are going to offer pre-departure meals, serve me a meal, not some (lousy) finger food.

There must not be any readily available VIP lounges since I shared the lounge (for a short period of time) with Cindy Crawford and her (small) entourage.

This was not a first class experience.