Some good info above.

Other suggestions:
- The Phoenix (LES). Cute crowd but less attitude than HK
- Barrage (HK). This might be up the OP's alley; kind of a beary/cub crowd with a rougher look and feel, but a nice spot for good drinks in Hell's Kitchen.

Dance Clubs:
NYC is picking up a little in terms of clubs. There are a few monthly/weekly parties.
- Brut: This is a leather, dance night with good music that attracts a mix of people. It's not all leather as you'll get the club kids coming, but it's a good mix and it's friendly.
- VERS @ Space Ibiza: Essentially replaces the old Stage48. It's clubby and for muscle boys.
- Horsemeat Disco (Brooklyn): Check if it's on while you're there; it's a good club with a focus on good music.