Not trolling - serious question - but why is everyone so concerned about the kinks? Some of the best stays I've had in my life were in ultra-high-end hotels which did have kinks - some much more major than others - but that typically resulted in me meeting the GMs, talking to them, establishing some sort of a relationship, and the rest of the stay being far better, either because of the freebies I got, or just general positive feeling that "someone cared". In a sort of semi-masochistic way, I'm almost looking forward to some things being wrong, so that I can turn this from an anonymous five-star beach stay to something that'll actually make a story (hopefully, with a good ending for all).