TL;DR: Save for less of the "wall of no", United is the same as it ever was.

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Long time United flier, with 600K lifetime miles over 20 years of flying them, from 2005 until 2013 exclusively.

We all know what the merger did, some of us were more accepting of it than others. Jeff made many of us refugees; I finally had enough and switched to a handful of airlines for my travels after they shrank their network considerably that year.

Then Jeff faulted out on a technicality. The jerk should've gone to prison, but we all know how corporate shenanigans work. Oscar came on board and them promptly had a heart attack (likely because of the mess he found.) I followed FT and noticed that not every single post was "Die United, die!" anymore. So at least the seeds of change were in the air, it seemed.

FFWD to this summer. I live and work full time in a bus conversion now, and we happened to be in Minneapolis visiting family. I figured, why not fly from Minneapolis to Europe? Should be cheaper than from the West Coast like I usually do. My first mistake.

Start looking up fares. Delta wanted $stupid for lie flat, so that was out. Economy Comfort+ or whatever wasn't much better, and there weren't many good seats available. Still, I found a decent fare outbound through ATL and inbound through MIA. Put that to the side.

BA wanted...oh wait, BA doesn't fly to Minneapolis. Well, hell. Fine whatever, I really didn't want to go through Heathrow anyway. What are my other OneWorld options? Ah yes, US America's Worst through CLT. They also wanted $stupid for lie-flat, and they fly Airbi over the water, not my favorite choice. Still, they had a decent fare for Y, though, as with Delta, the bag fees and the E+ fees damn near doubled the price. So, I put it to the side.

For kicks, I hit the United website and did a search. Sure enough, they had lie flat over the water for less than $stupid, in P.

I remembered fondly of my last experience buying P, where I flew my first sCO 777. We left on time, quickly got to the runway threshold and then the captain came on and said we had to go back to the gate because of a mechanical problem. That immediately ballooned into a 2 1/2 hour delay that blew my original connection. Fortunately I was able to use the last few euros on my phone to call United and get protected on the next flight (which was also late) and ended up arriving at my destination well after midnight (scheduled was 7pm).

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that fond. But the return in the 744 UD worked out pretty well.

Anyway, United flies Boeings over the water, the lie flat is acceptable, and I like that, so I confirmed our dates and booked our tickets.

Initially, everything seemed to work well. I babysat the reservation for the first few days, and nothing changed. Seats didn't move, schedules didn't move. I relaxed a bit. Could things actually be improving?

FFWD to the night before departure. Lady and I are finishing up dinner. She gets a notification on her phone from United: MSP-EWR cancelled due to "aircraft availability." I bring up my res on the United App and, sure enough, the red exclamation point greets me. So I see what they have.

"How would you like to wake up at 3am, get to the airport by 4am for a 5am departure and visit all of our hubs east of the Rockies?" the app asked me. I said to the app, "Hell naw, to the naw naw naw, thank you!" So I searched on the following day and found a more realistic routing at about the same time. But we were on different PNRs, so I wanted to call in to make sure we got changed at the same time. I break the news to the missus: We're not flying tomorrow. There is sad and disappoint. Then I show her the creative routing that the app offered and she understands.

Get back to the house and on the phone. The lady is nice enough, but she offers an 8am routing through Dulles, but there's only one seat left. I said "hell naw, to the naw naw naw, thank you!" and then tell her about the routing I found for the following day. After a bit of searching, she finds the route and rebooks us.

FFWD to the following night. We relax, do Stuff, we're ready to go. Coming home from dinner, again, the missus gets another text: Your seats have been reassigned due to a downgauge. You now have Seat 1C." Sure enough, I look at the United app and they have me in Seat 1D. Well, at least the flight hasn't been cancelled.

Wake up in the morning, Uber to the airport. Check in, breeze through security, get to the gate. Plane lands on time, gets to the gate on time. Then comes the announcement: "Flight is oversold, we need volunteers." We remain mute. Boarding begins and we take our bulkhead seats (bigger than I thought they'd be!) No pre-departure drink (not a thing on United Local?) And then the GA supervisor comes on board and aims straight for the GF.

"Can I speak with you outside for a second?"
"What about?"
"I would just like to speak about something real quick."
She shakes her head.
"So the answer is no, then?"
"(Hell) naw, (to the naw naw naw), thank you."

Turns out, back at the gate, a GS was in an upgraded seat that got wiped out in the downgauge and was having. a. fit. He must've been at a lower fare class than us because I'm sure one of us would've gotten bumped otherwise. The guy in 1A was also an upgrader, but they never approached him. Eventually, someone in the seat directly behind F gave it up for a few vouchers and the GS came on board. That put us down 15 minutes, which we made up in the air in an uneventful but bumpy flight.

Touch down in Newark -12. Sail right past the terminal and into what the airport diagrams call "the Ball Park." Turns out our gate has another airplane in it. We sit in the Ball Park and watch airplane traffic for 30 minutes, then it takes us another 15 minutes to roll the half mile to the gate because of that traffic. I'm the first person to walk off the plane into the terminal a shave under 30 minutes late.

What I encounter is nothing short of chaos. I think this flight is continuing on to Nashville, the boarding area is chock-a-block with people. It doesn't get better once I'm clear of there. The island restaurants and stores in the middle of each concourse create bottlenecks. It's hot and sticky (of course, it was 7000° outside which didn't help.) Checked out the United Club between the second and third piers and it was a hot. mess. They weren't accepting one-time passes, it was so bad. (Missed the club that was near C90, but we figured it'd be just more of the same.)

Finally, after spending way too much money on overpriced, bad snacks at the worst airport in America, we find our gate. First it was C102. Then a gate change made it C109. Then yet another gate change made it C90. That one seemed to stick. A 767 bound for Athens was there. And then it was there for much longer than it should have been. Finally, it left, about 45 minutes late. I waited for our plane to roll up right after. And then I waited some more. At T-60, there was still no plane, yet the boards lied that we were leaving on time.

Finally at T-30, they gave up that ghost. Bam, 70 minutes down, from 7:20 to 8:30, due to aircraft maintenance. I got up to walk around. When I came back, the delay had ballooned to 100 minutes.

Throughout our wait, we were peppered almost constantly with delay, gate change, and cancellation announcements for other flights. The gate agents working our flight kept us up to date...with no information. Then, suddenly, a glimmer of hope: The delay shortened to 8:15. They'd already fixed what was wrong, they said, they just had to tow our plane over to our gate.

Then Mother Nature said "Hell naw, to the naw naw naw." A line of thunderstorms appeared and rolled through. Our delay jumped back to 9:30, then out to 10:30. The reason? "The traffic created by the thunderstorm has to clear before we can tow the plane to the gate." Then somebody had the great idea to tow a 757 over to the gate and fill it up for a 5-hour-delayed flight to San Francisco. At one point, the gate area had over 400 people in it. This boot to the heel kicked our delay out to 11:45, then 11:55, "just because." We weren't wheels-up until 12:23 +1. Of course, Channel 9 was off.

The flight to Europe was uneventful once we got on board, but the business class seat ended up eating my iPad mini (cracking the screen badly and thus making it unusable.) So I'm out for the cost of a new one. At least I got 3 good years out of it.

And so here I sit in my flat, writing this. Look, at the end of the day, neither plane crashed, and United got me to my destination. Even if it was a day and a half late. What's timing, anyway? But the things that really bother me are not so much the delays and cancellation, but the general lack of cohesiveness and clue about operations. Everything was in a state of chaos. I realize that there are things that are outside one's control at an airport, but there are many things that are fully in United's control that they just don't seem to be all that interested in understanding or acting on.

It reminded me of transiting through Houston, which I've done a lot of. Numerous gate changes, sometimes for the same flight. Numerous delays and cancellations. This was not what pmUA was about. Yeah, we had the Summer of Hell, but when I flew pmUA in earnest from about 2001 onward, I did not see systemic chaos like what I witnessed in Newark earlier this week. Yes, there were cancellations and delays. But with pmUA you felt like they really went the extra mile to get you where you needed to go, especially if you were elite.

But United Continental still acts like Continental in every way but the "Wall of (Hell) Naw" that Jeff Smisek set up as soon as he became CEO. Yes, they are friendlier now, even to a nothing-status Kettle like me. And that's cool. But operations are a mess. And recovery from those operations are an even hotter mess. And, cheap lie-flat be damned, if I wasn't flexible in arriving at my destination I would be pretty mad. I already know that, when I use this "new" United again, I won't route through Newark, and if I have to go through Newark to get to my destination, I'll simply use another airline.

And trying to dupe my partner out of her paid seat so a GS could get his upgrade is not cool, either. If he is on a higher fare class than us, then them's the breaks and we'll have to sit it out. But the shenanigans themselves were a bit much. And I *know* what this airline is capable of. Imagine the many other Kettles that don't know all the rules and tricks and don't want to get caught up in the nerdery of FlyerTalk. Any social media outlet of theirs is bombarded with negative feedback, and they don't seem to have a clue or an inclination of righting the ship.

And that is why my sadventures with United will continue to be few and far between. I really hoped things had improved and tried to look at it all objectively. But I simply can't trust this airline to get me to my destination in the time they say they will. You would think that with all the work they did to make fewer choices for fliers with the merger, that they would at least be able to handle the merged operations. But the things I've seen along the way show me that not only do they not appear to know how, they have no real impetus to learn. And therein seemingly lies the rub.

Those of you who defend this airline to the nth-degree will think this is just another bout of hater whining from a serial United hater. That's fine. I don't understand how you can suspend your disbelief long enough to be on a United flight multiple times a week (or day) and not know whether or not you'll get to where you want to go today or next week, but we do what we do to get by. Meanwhile, I just want to get to where I'm going so I can get on with my life. But if they keep offering up that bargain basement lie-flat while others are charging $stupid, and I don't have real time commitments and can be flexible for a day or two, and I don't have to go through Newark, then I might consider them if no other options present themselves. But beyond that...?

And it's a shame. Because United could do right, if they wanted to. But that doesn't appear to be the case.