Hilarious. You're not wrong, IsleOfMan! That especially applies to the boxier bags, and the ones with the buckles (e.g., the Empire Builder and the messenger bags). The ultralight fabric sometimes looks a bit like old-school Le Sportsacs, but a new ultralight fabric without the white grid is being rolled out to combat that.
I can't stand the aesthetics of RedOxx-- they remind me of the crummy bags sold by street vendors, although I know RedOxx makes good bags.
Briggs & Riley and Victorinox both, unfortunately, conjure a certain level of mid-manager despair to me. To my eyes, they're ugly, overdesigned, and heavy. Made for schlepping an 8 lb Dell laptop that runs Windows ME. I am likely not going to win friends around these parts saying that...
Filson makes laptop bags and zippered tote bags, which could be used for toting laptops. They're classics and indestructible; the problem is they (and by that I mean the canvas/bridle leather ones, not the nylon styles) are very heavy. The
24-hour tin briefcase might work-- the tin cloth is much lighter than the canvas models, although there is leather handles and detailing. I'd probably want a different strap, though, as I've never found any of Filson's to be comfortable.