Ordinarily I would describe a welcome bag consisting of a small bottle of water and a stale granola bar as being pretty pathetic, but hey, at least that's something. That's more than I can say about any of the following (non)benefits I commonly receive as an IHG Spire:

• Clerk says, "Thank you for being a member," and offers nothing
• Clerk offers 500 point arrival bonus that never posts (happens about half the time I'm promised a bonus)
• Clerk says, "As an elite member we've upgraded your room," referring to the one-step up from basic room type I reserved and paid for (happens about half the time, too)