better than this... Tim Gard and Steve Kissell wrote a book entitled "Just Plane Funny". Good stuff regarding everything most people complain about re: airline travel.
Mr. Tim Gard has a large rollaboard with a full-size sign on one side that states:
"This is not your bag. My bag has this big sign telling you this isn't your bag on it. This bag belongs to TIM GARD and is not your bag.This bag belongs to TIM GARD (and then address and ph#...)"
Every bag has a 100% chance of being delayed. Bags are rarely, if ever, lost forever.