To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly any fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners are not allowed to profile people. They will, however, continue to perform random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, Retired Generals who have been awarded th Medal of Honor and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips.

Let's pause a moment and take the following test...

In 1972, 11 Israeli athletes were killed at the Munich Olympics by:
(a) Grandma Moses;
(b) The night cleaning crew at Rockefeller Center;
(c) Invaders from Mars; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from the Lichen Herbarium of the University of Oslo;
(b) Elvis;
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy;
(b) Crazed feminists complaining that having to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius in basic training was an unfair and sexist job requirement;
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2";
(b) The Tooth Fairy;
(c) Butch and Sundance, who had a few sticks of dynamite left over
from their train mission; or
d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) The entire cast of "Cats";
(b) Martha Stewart;
(c) Cheeze-crazed tourists from Wisconsin; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers;
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems;
(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain:
"Mustapha the Merciless"; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wil E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd.
(b) The US Supreme Court, trying to outdo their hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election;
(c) Barney; or
(d) Muslim males of Middle Eastern extraction between the ages of 17 and 40.

Hmmm...nope, ain't no patterns here. Darned if I know why we should ever even think about profiling....