Thanks for all the replies, I was LOL!

I have decided the following.
1). I will run (loud) dehydrators all day at my house.
2). I will install seat belts on my sofa and use them whenever seated, in case of unforcast earthquakes.
3). I will install emergency lighting in my carpet. White lights lead to red lights.
4). I will institute a house rule that no one is ever allowed to bring me a gift of a bottle of wine.
5.) I will continue to post on Flyertalk, even though my contributions will become dated and ill-informed, until such time that I become totally patheic and am hounded off the board by a series of 5-page flame threads on "The Buzz".

Glad I have something to look forward to.