Rest assured, Polar Ice Club members- there will be plenty of Baltic stock perfectly happy to jump into the water with you here. (Maybe though, that’s just my personal vision of Hell).

All that hypothermia will surely work up an appetite, so we suggest you get a bite to eat at one of the many restaurants along the beach serving Polish delicacies. Prepare for a hefty helping of dill with your pierogis.


Potato pancakes


Salmon


Fruit pierogis

If that’s not enough, there’s always “American ice cream” along the boardwalk for dessert, and a choice of “New York” or “French” hot dogs.





As your time in Hel draws to a close, wait for the next ferry back to Gdansk.



Word to the wise: It turns out the people of Poland aren’t much for patiently waiting in orderly lines. As the ferry draws nearer, the crowd will begin to close in on the dock. Even before the passengers have gotten off, that crowd will turn into a mob, complete with pushing, shoving, and all kinds of uncouth behavior. Forget ridiculous jokes about how many Poles it takes to change a lightbulb, how many Poles will try and succeed in squeezing onto a ferry at the same time?

In fact, the main culprits appear to be old women. We attributed this to their having been raised during the German occupation, only to spend their prime years living under Communism, which will naturally lead to some aggression as a survival instinct. So try to be understanding as they administer a swift elbow to your kidney.

Eventually though, the old women will trample onto the boat and give you enough breathing room to get on yourself.



More importantly, though, you can now tell those missionaries on your doorstep that you do not fear Hel, you have been there and had a great time, and there is indeed a way back.

Now please, go to Hel.