We could try bringing it back on topic?
Who makes me want to scream? Very few people to be honest - but there are some that I would classify as "irritants".
When I first started flying more frequently, I used to get so wound up by the "irritants". Nowadays, I can remain far more sanguine about the whole thing but the OPs post take did make me chuckle and after some thought I can easily recall those fellow travellers who used to send me into a bad mood....bless them.
Cathy Chatty-Clueless from Coleslaw, Ohio. Always to be found at check In: I have NEVER taken more than a few minutes to get checked in. I've already got my BP, my bags are within limits and passport is in hand. But not Cathy...she checked in online but now wants to change flight to an earlier one. After arguing and sounding annoyed for 5 minutes she accepts the current flight. Oh, but can she now change seat? And can she get a shower in the lounge? And where is that by the way? And which gate will it be? Does she have time for a meal? And where can she get help getting to the aircraft as her leg hurts....Oh, and now she wants something out of her bag but cant find it.....and on and on it goes. FINALLY when its my turn I'm sorted in 2 minutes....*sigh*
Albert and Ada Absentminded from Aldershot. Always to be found clogging up the security line like a sticky blood clot in an artery : They have one trip every 12 months but definitely can't remember last years so every request by the security agents comes as a complete surprise. They have enough metal in them to trip the least sensitive scanners (multiple times) and of course they both travel with maximum belts and buckles. They too just love to chat and take their time whilst decanting their possessions into the trays - which they then can't lift. You absolutely can't afford to make eye-contact with Ada or else you'll be stuck for another 20 minutes whilst she tells you about her grandchildren who they're off to see in Walla Walla...*sigh*. Being organised, I'm finally through the scanner and reunited with my bags before they've even located their teeth...
Roaring Rupert Redsocks from Reigate. Always to be found in the lounge. You just can't avoid him (or his red socks, his red braces and his overpowering cologne that could choke a pig at 10 paces) and he's permanently on his phone. Nor can you escape from his need to let everyone within a 25 foot radius know just how terribly terribly important his meeting in Zurich is today (surely you should be sober then Rupert?). By the sound of it, the fate of western Europe hangs on his ability to think outside the box whilst building a straw-man consensus and delivering a new paradigm....or whatever. Of course Rupert's love of cliché is mildly amusing and he would be genuinely entertaining if he wasn't so bl**dy LOUD. And let's not forget his propensity to wander and shout at the same time. Please STOP pacing around my seat Rupert or I'll be forced to reach for your own low hanging fruit and rupture your plums...(I'll file that under "public service")
The Trunki Family from Tunbridge Wells Earth mother Tilda, disinterested father Toby (clearly a Gold but forced to endure the terminal this time) plus the little Trunkis: twins Tabitha & Torquil and baby Tumi. They're all to be found at the gate. Obviously they have the absolute maximum carry on luggage allowance with them - most of it in the shape of a Gruffalo. If you were lucky enough to avoid them at check in, you'll almost certainly encounter them when boarding time arrives. Tilda and Toby aren't really talking to each other today - which the twins have picked up on and have now gone rogue, much to the delight of those waiting to board (not). When it comes time to show the BPs and passports both parents assume the other has them. A strained "disagreement" ensues and it takes 8 minutes to locate the documents by which the time priority boarding has already started around them. Once on board, the Trunki Family will take at least 12 minutes (almost all of it stood in the aisle) to settle into their seats. Naturally Toby Trunki has ensured that he's sat 3 rows behind his family so he can flirt with the cabin crew as usual. If you want to know why your flight is late being pushed back - blame the Gruffalo....
Of course it all comes right in the end. Turns out we're all on the same flight again.... Cathy is in 1A and immediately engages the "stewardess" in a game of 20 questions about every aspect of the flight. Rupert finds himself in the last row of CE allowing baby Tumi, now sat on her mother's lap in the row behind and upset by a strong cologne wafting in her direction, to expertly projectile vomit onto his Paul Smith tie (finally his angry face matches his socks!) And Albert and Ada, who've naturally got on the wrong plane as they left their spectacles at security, are happy to entertain the Twins whilst Tilda Trunki keeps asking other people to move so that her husband can join her....
Fly Baby, who is once again sat in 1F, sighs to herself and asks for a G&T...
(PS: and please please don't take too much offense at such blatant stereotyping!!)