Find a place where frequent fliers, err, frequent, find a forum with a few people who might have lots of Avios, quickly make a friend or sixteen, pick one, and have them book the flight for you?

Then buy them $273 of drinks as a totally unrelated gesture?

The thought of buying 9k Avios for $273 makes me wince, although I understand why the OP wants to do this

EDIT: to the OP - have you got any hotel points or Amex MRs you could convert?