There will then be 100 posts on FT from people who say, "I was #1 on the list and some guy scammed his wife ahead of me...." And there will be 100 posts saying, "you should have sat down in the jet bridge and screamed until they moved you up and the guy's wife back".

All depends where you sit. Upgrades are a zero-sum game. If OP's wife gets a seat, somebody else does not. If you are OP (or his wife) you want the former. If you are "somebody else" you want the latter.