Please don't come to our "backwards water of a town" (sic) ( ) . We couldn't handle being in the presence of such a refined, erudite, high-class, discriminating, grand pooh-bah, such as yourself. It will make us realize what we've been missing all of our lives and make us feel REALLY, REALLY inferior. In fact, this UA 1K will gladly genuflect before your UA goldness and sadly shuffle off to my E- seat so that you can have all of my premium cabin seats.

Oh, BTW, just in case you weren't aware, the city DOESN'T set the airfares, as you are wont to claim in your rant.