I booked 3-4 nights at Hiiragiya and you don't need to accept all meals; in fact the price is reduced significantly if you opt out, as we did for the same reasons as you. For the most authentic and historically rich cultural experience, the two contenders in Kyoto seem to be Hiiragiya and Tawaraya. I hear the overall service at the former is rated slightly higher. Be warned that certain rooms however are reserved for board members and will not be released to just anyone. We lucked out as we had some intervention by people of influence and were able to book one of the highly sought after luxury corner rooms, albeit not without a bit of resistance from the property. I'll be sure to post a detailed report on return in December!