Thanks for the responses. Unfortunately, no one is budging at all. KLM told me to call Delta, who is apparently handling their support, but Delta tells me they don't have the authority to issue compensation for AF or KLM... and so the cycle continues...

Any secret phone numbers to call?

EDIT: I hate to post employee information, but two in particular were extremely unhelpful. A certain Lina Dajani, via email, and a "Beebee", who is presumably a supervisor on the phone. The former gave no reason at all for the denial (the quotes in the OP came from here) and the latter on the phone just now told me my voucher is "nonrefundable" even though I never agreed to it and also that the cash compensation is only available in person at the ticket counter when I was boarding. I pointed out this very rep is the one who told me to apply online, and this assertion is probably untrue since there is a KLM web form solely for the purpose of requesting compensation. Still no luck.