I've done the overnight layover option and will never do it again. Depart mid-afternoon (US East Coast time). Arrive in Asia mid-afternoon Asian time. Immigration, customs, baggage claim, transfer to hotel, check-in, minimal unpacking, find dinner. Do you know who's happy in this circumstance? Nobody. Not Dad, not Mom, not the toddler. Then, of course, it's up and out the next morning (after an unsatisfying, jet-lagged night's sleep) to do it all over again.

You know your own kids best, of course, but I've found with my daughters (aged 5 and 2; the oldest started long-haul travel when she was 2, the youngest started at 6 months) that the time of departure doesn't seem to make much difference to their ability to handle the plane. We've tried leaving around 6am, around 9am and around midnight, and the only ones who seem to have been affected are my wife and myself.

Time of arrival does seem to make a difference, though -- arriving mid-afternoon means a few short hours of wakefulness before bedtime. Arriving in the middle of the night makes the initial adjustment a little more difficult.

As someone posted above, you're in a weird temporal vortex when you travel. Don't be too rigid with bedtimes and mealtimes en route. If your three-year-old's meal has to sit on the tray table for a few hours before she touches it, it's not the end of the world. She'll eat when she's hungry. Do yourself a favor and steal whatever sleep you can while she's quiet. It's amazing what an hour or two of rest will do for your mood on the other end.