Some gems below - hilarious
I think it is a favor to FTers to dredge these old classics again and again
The newbies amongst us cant get to search all the old forums for these gems.
bring them on again, I say!



It seems that 26E is going to go empty until a woman with the historically pleasing waist-to-hip-to-etc. ratios swishes into our row and bursts out "Hi boys!" and of her low-cut tank top at just about the same time. She strikes up a lengthy conversation with 26D and then does the same with me. I was a little worried she was going to be a little annoying, but in fact she is an utterly charming and pleasant seat-mate. She was reading a book with a title something like "The Art of Seduction". I'm not sure why. She could have easily been the author.

Now keep in mind that I had read Air Babylon a few days ago in some airport or another. I was now quite paranoid about annoying any airline employee or agent, in case it would earn me a NSUG, face-fart, or the dreaded laxative in the coffee treatment, which apparently awaits any passenger who causes a fuss. So I didn't ask this agent to adjust my FF#; I'd do that in the lounge. Australian immigration are by this point happy to see the backside of me at last, so that and security are quick.

In the duty-free I scope out something for the gorgeous Mrs. Zorn in the Elle MacPherson lingerie shop. (Fortunately Mrs. Zorn is better looking than Elle MacPherson and the models in the posters so I need not be discouraged by these ads.) I decide on something and the clerk asks if I need help with sizes. There are North American sizes printed so I'm fine. She takes a 32C or 34B, so I look at the item to decide which seems better. The clerk assumes I don't know how to shop for my wife and asks if Mrs. Zorn is about the same size as her, what size is Mrs. Zorn, and so on. (This happens a lot with me in clothing shops.) I reply that I am usually a pretty good at shopping for my wife and I think this one (I select one) should be fine. She seems impressed and replies "Ooh, my boyfriend is terrible at shopping for me. Well, he's not really my boyfriend..." she trails off as she plays with her hair. Did I really need to know that? The little tramp.

I take advantage of the free Wifi to send an email to my wife asking her to courier the not-yet-activated new credit card to my hotel in
MEL. Regrettably (milage whores please do not read this) this is the
card does not accrue any points whatsoever for anything (hangs head in shame).

he 9th emotional stage consists of bad
dreams the week before on the possibility of things going wrong on
flights before the lucky itinerary actually begins. I had these dreams
in spades. They are much like dreams about being naked in public
(assuming one doesn't want to actually be naked in public! Please see
the Travel Fetishists forum for that trip report.)