I am pretty sure that they'd be called Passenger Cabin Support Officers, or PCSOs for short. Aside from politely requesting that a toddler does not scribble on the walls, they wouldn't have any authority and would have to call in for back up from the nick in Vauxhall if anything really kicked off.

I am almost certain that everyone would hate them merely for existing. The Daily Mail would complain that they are all Latvian, and teenagers from Thamesmead would gob in their hair on flights to Lanzarote.

After a couple of years they would be disbanded, replaced by "big society" volunteers and renamed "The Passenger Outreach Team." Their primary duty would be the resolution of non-existent problems. To fully and fairly reflect the communities that they serve, a handful of them would themselves be terrorists.