I appreciate your acknowledgement that this can be a sore subject on the forum, and also your humorous struggles to simultaneously ease your conscience while not completely turning Chinese culture on its head.

That said, handing out goodies really isn't necessary to service personnel that you have only a passing acquaintance with. In China it would be....well...weird. And handmade goodies may not be to Chinese tastes (though I am quite confident they would be to jiejie's taste ). Mementos and other more tangible gifts are given to business associates, friends, and family--in other words, some semblance of a "real" relationship. Just acknowledge service staff with a heartfelt greeting, thank you, smile, and nod of head. Giving them dignity as a person by looking in the eye and being courteous and kind will automatically catapult you over 98% of the Chinese guests and probably at least 90% of the foreign ones.

I think the operative word in your post was "conditioned" as in, you have been conditioned and that is perhaps what needs to be un-done, rather than invent new gift-giving strategies just to fit your own cultural programming. I assure you that "stink eye" by service personnel towards the customers with the expectation of extracting more cash is relatively uncommon in China.

If all else fails, tell the staff you are Australian, which will immediately lower any expectations of tips.