No chance. Almost certainly a 738/9 or 757. UA should give out warnings when they sell F seats on these flights that, if you expect anything "first class" beyond the name, you will be disappointed.

The trick on the Hawaii flights is to choose your aircraft with care. The fact that UA manages to sell seats out of SFO on the narrowbodies just shows how clueless most people are when purchasing airline tickets.

The comment on other passengers' appearances is uncalled for and in my book costs OP virtually all sympathy points.