For my honeymoon, we decided to splurge and stay at a Ritz-Carlton. So I was just lying on my pillow when some guy plopped himself down on the bed. My wife was taking a bath. Anyway, I was so surprised by the guy that I gave him a little love bite. He freaked out and started running all over the room looking for me. Fortunately, I made it to the windowsill.

My wife wasn't so lucky. He ran into the bathroom and, Smack!, one blow and she was gone. Ripped from my life on our honeymoon! But hey, these things happen. We're mosquitoes, after all.

But the truly insulting part was that he called the manager and demanded compensation after waking me up and killing my wife! I mean, seriously, I was there first and was happy to share my pillow, but he's the one who's asking for compensation!