While waiting to board a flight, I came up with this alternative boarding annoucement, to help the BG2 people with their little tendency to try to board with BG1:
"If you have a United-branded credit card, you'll be boarding with group 2. The reason for this is that there are a lot of people who are more important than you. A lot of you think that you're one of only two or three people on the plane with any significant relationship with United, but you'll be surprised to learn that that's not true! See, before you, we'll be boarding disabled people, followed by military people -- who give their lives for this country -- followed by Global Services members -- who give us $40,000 a year -- followed by 1K's -- who fly 100,000 whole miles in a year! -- followed by Platinums -- who fly 75,000 whole miles in a year! We know that you might be confused about how many miles that is, so to help you understand, think of all the flights you've ever taken, and then multiply that by two."