Now, THERE's an interesting question, Catman!

I forget the exact Latin, folks, but I know this is "Reducing things to absurdity." However, it's an interesting intellectual exercise. So let's see...

Issue #1 on pets earning FF miles would be enrolling them in a program. OK, no prob there.

Issue #2 would be you need to buy them a ticket. OK, not a problem, either. In fact, if they're less than, I think, 12 years old, you can get them a child's fare ticket.

Issue #3: A ticketed passenger needs a government-issue type of picture ID. Problem here; while you can get a credit card for your pet, there is no picture. Driver's license is out, so is a passport. What to do? AHA! Back to Issue #2...if your pet is under 12 (or whatever), regs do not require a picture ID. Ho!

Issue #4: Adults and children are not permitted to be under the seat in front of you on take off and landing. Do you strap the pet carrier into the seat then? Is there an FAA standard for pet carriers like there is for child seats? And, do you strap the carrier in facing forward or aft? This probably would best be handled on an individual, case-by-case basis with the flight attendants, with the captain having final authority on exact orientation.

Last issue: Special meals. They have vegetarian meals, Kosher meals, etc. But does the airline have, like, raw meat meals for your pet? No prob if Fido is addicted to Big Macs, just order a Happy Meal or equivalent. Otherwise, I think you're stuck with bringing their own meal on board with you. This might put off some passengers, but hey, guys (and gals), my wife has gotten used to watching me eat shshimi and blood rare steaks; I think the other passengers could deal with this.

What do you gorilla flying gurus think? Have I missed any important issues in getting FF miles for your pets?

Yours in humor,

-Harry