This is comical! To the OP, you have a seat, there is a window you can look out, a Hemispheres Magazine, and a SkyMall Mag you can entertain yourself with. I don’t mind the ERJs. They are not bad, but nothing like you describe. You will be disappointed if you think a UA Expressjet is like what you wrote.

Here is short video of deboarding one of UA ExpressJet ERJ-145. You can see what the interior looks like. Almost all of them look like this.
http://youtu.be/PfQTMWWf7jw?t=50s