Of course, the one time I'm waiting patiently for a follow-up questionnaire from Hyatt Place is the one time that I don't receive one. So it goes.

But I had things to say! Comments that needed to be made! So I planted my tongue in my cheek, wrote out my observations, and emailed them off to the hotel's new GM.

Here's my message to the hotel:

Since I don't have a Likert Scale driven questionnaire to provide my input, you'll have to put up with receiving my responses in essay form.

1) I enjoy music as much as most other people. More than some people, perhaps. But I do not enjoy having a far-too-early-in-the-morning-wake-up-call-to-arms in the form of a hotel maid singing at top volume in the hallway near my room.

That particular lady - definitely a Maria Carey wanna-be - certainly has a set of pipes on her. She was also banging around on her cart as though she was channeling Cream's drummer Ginger Baker.

There's no way around it. She. Was. Loud.

Yes, Hyatt Place is a business hotel, not a resort. But not every guest is up and about, or out of their room, at O'Dark Thirty. And not every guest wants to be unexpectedly awakened in the wee hours, whether by raucous song or any other means.

My stays at the Hyatt Place in xxxxxxxx are typically poised in between two grueling stretches of work. This time my one night of sleep - which I'd blissfully hoped would extend from the evening of xxx until a decent waking hour on xxx - was potentially the last good sleep I'd get for the next 72 hour stretch of work.

But after the early morning hallway mash-up of 'The Voice' and 'American Idol' I was quite awake. I figured that I might as well try to get ready for the day.

Time to wash my face and brush my teeth. Or so I thought.

2) During past visits I've always seen Aquafresh toothpaste in the Hyatt Place rooms, so I didn't think twice when I ran out of Colgate the night I arrived. After all, I had just been at the hotel on xxx and remembered seeing personal care amenities stocked on the vanity. The next morning I was startled when I realized that there was no toothpaste anywhere in the room.

Ah, but no worries. Hyatt has personal care amenities available at the front desk. Right?

I traipsed downstairs - desperately trying to not breathe on anyone - and politely inquired about toothpaste. The desk clerk rummaged around in the back - no toothpaste. But she told me to wait, and asked another staff member to go check in the supply area. Ten minuets later - still no toothpaste. Another staff member went to check several empty rooms. All in all, it was an E for Effort -- but still no toothpaste.

I gave up. Another twenty minutes and an unplanned side trip over to Target, and finally I had some toothpaste.

The most puzzling thing of all was that the staff seemed to be as surprised as I was at the complete absence of toothpaste in any of the usual locations. It was as though a tribe of space aliens with very bad oral hygiene had landed in the vicinity, scouted around for a prime source of toothpaste, and in an instant beamed the hotel's entire supply directly up to their mother ship.

And so it goes.

3) On virtually every visit at Hyatt Place - and typically at the end of every stay at any other hotel - I'm asked at check-out, "How was your stay with us, AKCuisine?" This time? Not a peep. No comment like, "Thank you for staying with us." Or, "We hope you enjoyed your stay." Or, "Was everything satisfactory?"

Nada. Zip. Zilch. It was a robotic check-out that had less personal charm than if I'd stopped to sign out at the little electronic kiosk.

I hoped to be asked if there was anything that could have made my stay better. I had a few comments that I was more than ready to share. Alas, my hopes were dashed.

Obviously, I wasn't going to share my concerns with the morning clerk. Her mind was elsewhere. It felt like she just wanted me gone, and if that was the case, she probably wouldn't give a hoot about the Hootenanny Hotel Housekeeper or the Strange Case of the Vanishing Amenities.

On a brighter note, I've stayed at the Hyatt Place many times in the past year, and on most occasions my stay has been quite pleasant. I'm aiming for that to be the case when I pass through xxxxxxxxx again a bit later this month. Fingers crossed.

If you've managed to stick with this essay so far, you have my thanks for taking the time to read through my comments. I do hope my tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek tone provided a bit of amusement for you -- in addition to providing feedback about my recent stay.

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That's what they get when they fail to send me a follow-up survey after check-out.
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