Dont you have a cat you could "employ" ?
I used to own a shop and lived in the same building, the cats used to come down during the day to "work" with me and were well known in the town, when I asked the tax chap about tax implications of my "advertising cats" he said that I couldnt claim anything for them as I had personal use of them out of hours!!
The same tax man that said "just total up the years takings dear, while I pop outside for a cigar"