"Won’t believe in any feasibility of getting any CPUs as a Silver unless Santa promises me one in person."
Santa is the guy in front of you and behind the Golds. He can promise to let you sit on his lap if he's upgraded, but that's about it.
However, if you're flying on the evening of the 24th, you can ride up front with him since he's honorary GS for a day and gets to nominate someone as his helper.