My family (2 adults, 2 teenage daughters) is planning a visit to Japan shortly, and have been invited to stay in the home of one of my daughter's friends for part of the visit. I find the offer to be very generous and am very grateful. However, I also want to be sensitive to the fact that their family has their own life and I don't want to intrude too much.

The family initially offered to allow us to stay for our entire vacation, nearly 2 weeks. As I do when I visit friends or family in other cities who have made similar offers, I politely gave them a "way out" and offer to stay in a hotels for all or part of the time so that we are not underfoot. This is typical in my family, to make the offer is polite, to be asked to stay elsewhere is accepted without offense, and is respected and honored because it means the other family is comfortable enough to be honest with you. The Japanese family who originally made the offer then did indicate that not knowing their work and school schedules, weekends would be best. and easiest given their own family routines and needs. I was perfectly comfortable with this and was pleased the family felt comfortable enough to tell us this, as I do not want to intrude or overstay my welcome. Then I was told by a friend that when a Japanese family offers hospitality of this nature, it can be a huge affront if the hospitality is not fully honored and accepted. Now I am worried I may have offended the very kind family who made the offer through my attempts for us to be easier house guests. I'm looking for a sense of how I should understand and handle this situation, as I fear I have only further proven myself to be the worst kind of gaijin. I am simply ignorant of social expectations and if I have caused offense, I would like to know the best way to fix it.

dcman2