On aircraft, I find that champagne makes me (can I say this?) f*rt. Not nice.

But then, of course, it's the "achiever, aspirational and celebratory beverage of choice". Whatever, if BA are happy to throw expensive fizz at the Yuppies, Bankers and Pi$$heads, who am I to deny them the privilege? Just don't ask me to be even faintly "whelmed".

It would be nice if some folks didn't go on about it all the time, though. I can cope with the procedure with scones, but somehow I find the "Champagne Fixation" rather pretentious and tasteless. But then that's what champagne is, isn't it? "Look at me, I drink Champagne."

DYKWIA in a glass. How about a reality check?

I love you all really