Not sure how I was being hyperbolic, but let's focus on the actual math at hand. There's a finite maximum number of pax queued to board any given flight, so boarding is a zero-sum game. You cannot improve the lot of every kettle, because then there would be no one behind them relatively worse off. Chase/UA are merely selling a queue-jump of the WilMA boarding order that all general pax get. While that alone may contribute somewhat to slower boarding, the real problem is the devaluation of the carpeted lane for 1K/GS/F (and for all Premier levels at check-in and security checkpoints), and the unnecessarily chaotic boarding process which benefits no one.

In the end, I'm sure the CC offers slight relief to the pains of an unpleasant process, one that used to be better even if you had no status. If UA really cared to improve it for their customers and employees, they'd put industrial psychology to work. WN's boarding process with gate screens are very effective.