Wow, it really is as bad as I feared. I really don't think I can deal with this unamerican nonsense of patting down my butt and taking me into a private room for groping.

So I figured out a solution -- diarreah comes from eating, right? So this is what I'm going to do. No food for 36 hours before departure, use an enema a couple hours before I leave for the airport (to empty anything that might still be there), and then I won't need to use a diaper at all because nothing will come out. Wish me luck.