No one should have to check their dignity at the security gate.
Although my story is not as awful as the OP'S, I , too, was treated for PTSD. To get a pat down here in the US is something I am skittish about but has not been nearly as horrifying for me as it is in Europe. In the last year, I have been patted down in both Amsterdam and in Rome. These people might as well be doing a breast exam and a pelvic. I can't bear the thought of ever going through that again.
To the OP: My best advice? Make sure your wife has a therapist that she can talk to before she needs to fly and that this individual is available to her via phone in the event that this happens to her again. My prayers go out to both of you!