After a particularly hard landing at LGW.

Purser - "Well I think its safe to say we have now firmly arrived at London Gatwick. Please do stay in your seats......... as it would be a shame to injure yourself during the taxi, having got through a landing like that"

Followed by the FO at the Gate.
"Ladies and gentleman welcome to London Gatwick's North Terminal. The Captain would like to thank you for flying with us today but unfortunately she is too busy filling out a heavy landing report for what you just went through. That and the fact that she is so embarrassed for that landing she has asked me to say a few words. We do know you had a choice of carriers today and we thank you for.....blah blah blah.."