Wow, the breakfast in the OP sounds intimidating!

I don't bother with breakfast at all when I'm at home. I skip breakfast, have a small lunch, and then a huge evening meal.

When I'm away from home I'll have a slice of toast with some jam (er... I think Americans call it "jelly"?), and maybe a wholegrain roll with a bit of cheese in it, just to make sure I consume something before the end of the work day.

The thought of eating eggs before consuming at least three cups of coffee is nauseating

Do Americans eat hash browns much? That's one traditional "breakfast food" that I do enjoy, and that is pretty filling.