And, now, FT boys and girls, the top ten lame apologies of all time:

TEN: Flaming doomsday meteor to dinosaur: “Sorry to wipe you out, but 70 million years from now we are going to need the oil.”

NINE: Abraham, to God, as he was about to sacrifice his son Isaac: “First, you told me to, and second, think of all the ‘He begats’ that you won’t have to write about.”

EIGHT: Pharaoh to the people of Egypt: “Quit bellyaching, I hardened my heart to Moses because first born sons are a pain and because a couple of plagues will build character.”

SEVEN: The Roman Soldiers who sacked the great Library of Alexandria: “Hey, them Greeks deserved it, they raised the fine for overdue scrolls to 50 dracs”

SIX: The Serbian terrorist who started WWI by killing Archduke Ferdinand: “I was just trying to knock off his silly hat.”

FIVE: To the 25 million victims of Stalin’s genocide: “We were just trying to create a Worker’s Paradise.”

FOUR: The American Olympic Team that lost to the Soviet Union in the basketball finals: OK, this one has no more excuse than Pat Boone has for singing Little Richard songs.

THREE: President Clinton to the Cigar Manufactures’ Association: “I was merely trying to explore a more healthful use for your products.”

TWO: Florida voters to the Nation: “We are all ninety years old, and don’t have long to live, so why waste time reading the darn voting instructions.”

And the number one lame excuse, Oz to FT: I will ever so slightly, backhandedly, ungraciously apologize for my proven, documented transgressions, IF everyone else owns up to all things, past, present and future, that I project onto them.


[This message has been edited by Jailer (edited 12-13-2000).]