This is a fool’s review. I like to think of myself as the second-stupidest person in the world, though it may be a tie. (With whom, I do no know; but someone, I hope.)

I’ve come to Banjul and Serrekunda with the hope of experiencing some local culture/colour and of learning about local business practice. To say I am not the usual guest of this hotel is a laughable understatement. This is a hotel for holiday. Coming with agendas and a timetable served neither myself or the hotel (in this review.) I hope to pass on some insights should my even-match fool ever get the notion…. I’ve called them “hacks” here, because the term is popular and I have no idea what it means.

Airport Pick-Up. Slick. Perfect. And well-executed. One man holds a sign with my name. (This earns him a gratuity.) Another man drives. (Another gratuity. Fair and fair.) Past the Tangerine and Right Choice, the Ovaltine Shop and, presto!, I’m at the Sheraton.

Arrival and Location: It’s on the outskirts of nowhere. Which is good, unless you wish to be somewhere – a bank, grocery, shop… I did eventually find one restaurant within walking distance: Courtyard, off the main road back toward the roundabout/airport. No taxis on-premises, though there is a rumour that some lurk in the parking lot, prepared to be summoned by the hotel staff. In my experience, this was mere myth. Want a taxi? Trundle out to the street and wait and hope and prepare to haggle. And overpay. All fair.

Check-in occurs. No amenity mentioned. Of course, no club lounge here. The Platinum benefit comes in the form of a delightful Junior Suite and free internet access. Not both, exactly. The suite is too far away to receive the wireless signal. IT Technician and all around swell guy “Omar” shows up and strings DSL cable. I’m wired in the Junior suite. Sweet. Problem: Every time you shut down your computer or the screensaver comes on, you’ve got to log on again. Hack: Turn off your screensaver.

Room: Hey other than the DSL delay, all’s swell here. I’ve got a little deck off the living room overlooking the ocean. Atlantic, I believe, though I’m a bit disoriented after my trip to the Orient. We gots water in a bottle. A coffee maker and some nice mugs. Tea. Coffee and Milk Powder. Ample and attractive furniture and a dual-control (living room/bedroom) HVAC setup. A “welcome” card from someone who writes a nice card. The problem: long, rainy walk to the room – the most distant of the property. Hack: Golf carts; the hotel’s got ‘em, They even zip you up inside a vinyl tent shell thing. Best toilet paper in Africa. No, really. Two ply. Awesome plumbing. I wanted to steal the wooden tissue box cover. Top marks on the room. Functionally, the best I’ve had on the continent.

Fitness Center: Essential part of my hotel experience. And really well executed here. Modern equipment in good function, and ample to meet the crowds. (That’s a joke, Son.) Again, good HVAC. The problem: it doesn’t open until 9:00AM, long after my nose is supposed to be at the grindstone. Hack: Nice lady at the front desk arranged to have it opened early for me. Fantastic. Much appreciated.

Breakfast: I learned my lesson in Dakar, anticipated the Sheraton Gambia’s isolation and opted for the breakfast-inclusive rate. (It’s stuff like this that makes me believe that there is an equally stupid or stupider person out there somewhere. See above.) I should note that the hotel offered that I could swap this breakfast for dinner (iftar) if I was doing a Ramandan fast. Very nice indeed. The problem: No artificial sweetener for the coffee. Hack: Bring your own. Buy it in town. See description of “Going To Town”, below. Coffee was a bit difficult to obtain at breakfast, and near-impossible to have refilled. The problem: I like watermelon, but the watermelon here was quartered – like cut to the size of one quarter of a watermelon. Hack: Yes, lots of hacking. Good watermelon, unless you’ve got a thing about seeds. In fact, all of the fruit is good. Super bonus: Soy milk, for all the vegetarians in Gambia. (They knew I was coming?) Warning to Brits: No Wheatabix. Hack: Easily available in town.

Going To Town: When I checked in, I signed up for a shuttle (one-way, no return, if I understood correctly) to the Sennegambia “industrial” area, departing 11:00AM the next day. Perfect, I can start some of my business then. 11:20AM, a ‘shuttle crowd’ has gathered. 11:40AM, the ‘shuttle crowd’ begins to dissipate. 12:00, I’m told the shuttle is “almost here”…but that the front desk staff needs my passport for something that they didn’t take care of when I checked in the night before. Rainy dash to/from my room. 12:15PM, the ‘shuttle crowd’ is just me, and I’ve missed my business opportunity for the day. Another day, the shuttle left reasonably on-time and saved taxi fare and haggling.

Other, Little Things: My room key “expired” every day at noon. If the weather cooperated, it was a nice walk to/from. If. I’m not sure how they keep the lizards out of the room. They’re attractive lizards and not “the scary kind” but I was glad they stayed outside. Hotel staff really seemed to appreciate (not just expect) tips/gratuities. Smiles were always returned. Everyone seemed proud to be Gambian (and I don’t blame them for that – nice place/people). Nighttime lighting was, overall, good, but spotty in the far reaches of the property. (And they have really big snails on the paths when it rains.) Problem: I had five Visa ATM and Credit cards from four different banks; none worked in the on-site ATM. Hack: “Go To Town” (see above), but be mindful of banking hours.

Summing up: I was told that Platinum guests are rare here. I was treated very, very well. The best thing was that they adapted to my eccentricities. As I say, I didn’t visit for holiday. I had an inflexible timetable. Things were made to work for me.