So far, I've only had time to glance over your amusing post but I'm wondering - most of the your tale refers to the ***** luggage but towards the end I saw a reference to the **** luggage. Did you lose a bag, on purpose, maybe? Perhaps you and your wife [I hope] are learning that travelers are prisoners of their luggage. We manage with a 22" Travel Pro rolling bag each for even a month or more in Europe. But that is for warm weather and I'm sure that your wife is much better dressed than I am!