We hear sometimes about airlines enforcing rules. The airlines tell us they are going to crack down on obese fliers, then someone gets stuck next to one. United Airlines kicks a passenger with baggy underwear off a flight, after allowing a man to fly almost naked in women’s undergarments a few weeks before.

The fact is, the airlines have no rules when it comes to passenger conduct. They make them up on the fly. And when they fail to enforce the rules, everyone else suffers. Nobody wants to fly sitting next to a nearly naked man in drag, or a smelly person, or an obese person taking up half his seat. The airlines know this but do nothing. And since they have no firm rules, when they do try to enforce some reasonable restriction the affected passenger immediately cries to the media.

I would suggest that an airline re-brand itself as Rulebook Air. It can charge fares that are twice as high as the other airlines, and then give 50 percent discounts to members of its loyalty club. To stay in the loyalty club, you have to follow the rules. The rules will be made available to fliers each time they purchase a ticket.

Suggested Rules (Your additions welcome!):

1. Dress. Our customers are expected to dress conservatively. Shoulders and the torso must be completely covered. Undergarments must not be visible. Shorts and skirts must be no shorter than six inches above the knee. Violators will not be permitted to board the airplane.

2. We expect our fliers to pay for the space they use. Any passenger may purchase an extra seat as needed for comfort. Passengers flying together may encroach on each other’s space, but may not encroach on the space of others. We have provided seating templates in the airport to assist our customers in determining whether or not they need to purchase an extra seat. Any person attempting to raise the arm rest in order to steal part of another person’s seat will have their Rulebook Air loyalty club membership terminated.

3. Tall people often need more leg room, and we offer a premium economy and first class product for these passengers. Our passengers must not attempt to prevent the person in front of them from reclining. Doing so will result in cancellation of your Rulebook Air loyalty club membership.

4. Cleanliness is next to Godliness! All of our passengers are expected to bathe and use an unscented antiperspirant within 24 hours of boarding their originating flight. As most colognes and perfumes smell just awful, passengers must refrain from wearing heavy scents of any kind. Smelly people may not be members of our loyalty club!

5. If you choose to occupy the seat of another and refuse to move when asked, not only will we eject you from our loyalty club, we’ll eject you from our airplane with no refund. If you need to change seats one of our flight attendants may be able to issue you a different seat assignment, but all passengers are expected to sit in their assigned seats.

6. Infants and children. All passengers must purchase a seat regardless of age. Parents with lap babies need an extra seat to keep them from encroaching on the space of others. Children under the age of 2 are not permitted in our business and first class cabin. Parents in all cabins are expected to use reasonable efforts to control their children. Parents who are unable or unwilling to control their children will have their Rulebook Air loyalty club membership suspended for two years and will be given, at no charge, a parenting book, so that they can have time to teach the little darlings how to behave on future flights.

7. We have established a review process for those who feel they have been treated unfairly. Any person who takes their case to the media without first going through the review process may never fly our airline again, period.

Make no mistake, Rulebook air will lose some customers. But those it loses will be those who tend to make everyone else miserable. What's the loss?

Okay, who’s with me? Would you fly Rulebook Air? What rules would you add? And for those of you who wouldn’t fly Rulebook Air, would it bother you that other people were enjoying themselves with a hassle-free flight?