From a friend of mine.

"As some of you may know I have spent the last few days in Naples, and I live to tell of it. Which is no mean feat, seeing that I am German, and therefore genetically predisposed to favour order over chaos. The latter of which, Naples has enough to last all of northern Europe for the current millenium.

First things first - after Naples, I went back to Rome for the night before I flew out. Things I noted about Rome on return from Naples were, amongst others:


It is calm
It is clean
Traffic is conducted in a well-behaved and orderly fashion by all participants
It is quiet


Now, if you had asked me about my opinion of Rome before going to Naples, not one of these attributes would have even fleetingly occupied a sliver of attention of mine before being dismissed as utterly and totally ridiculous. Anyone suggesting to me that Rome was any of these things would have been recommended a spell in a lunatic asylum by me. So, I would argue that any city that makes me re-evaluate my impression of Rome to that degree must have something going for it. BTW - people from Milan thought that Rome was already in Africa when they went to visit in the 1870s. People from Rome think pretty much the same about Naples today.

Traffic
Traffic in Naples is not for the faint-hearted, and I speak as a regular Rome visitor. I learned within 5 minutes that a red traffic light is at best a suggestion. At worst it is a challenge. Traffic lights don't exist for scooters. In Naples, wearing a helmet when on a scooter is either illegal, or it implies that really you are not a man. In this regard, full equality has been achieved between the sexes. On day one, I was shocked when I saw a full family of four (2 young kids) on a scooter. On day four, I mildly batted an eyelid when I saw four adults on a scooter. It is also a law that everybody has to illegally use the bus lanes, even if there is absolutely no traffic in the other lines.

The key to surviving traffic in Naples is to not take it personally. Sure, the guy in the battered Fiat just swerved around you with an inch to spare. He did not mean to get you, and any action on your part had no influence on him hitting or missing you anyway. Once you realise this, you achieve Zen, and you will move through the traffic at ease. Remember, there is no traffic.

Once you think you have seen it all, and can cope with anything the Naples traffic can throw at you, take a taxi. Best in the evening when the traffic is flowing but still heavy. If you follow this advise, please note that I will not pay any bills incurred as part of it. Also, if you have a weak heart, go and visit Milano. In a taxi, make sure you do not express surprise when the taxi driver decides to jump the queue by passing at full speed down the lane for oncoming traffic even though a truck is hurtling towards you. It encourages them. Brakes are only to be used in two states:

1) not at all
2) slam 'em

Something in the Napoletan air appears to make any soft-braking function impossible. If at all possible, bring a native Italian. It discourages the taxi drivers from cheating, and that person can occupy them in a conversation about the weather, which means they will not either:

1) get very bored, and drive even faster to entertain themselves
2) start a conversation with one of their colleagues in a parallel lane at high speed.

Whatever you do, stay calm. There are many taxis, it can't be that dangerous.

Food
We followed the advice in our two travel guides, and it was gorgeous. If you want a romantic diner, go to Amici Miei in Via di Monte Dio. Have the Lacryma Christi (tears of Christ) red wine. It is not a cheap place, but bloody hell is it good. If you want to see the bustle of the main piazza in Merghellina, go to Da Pasqualino and order any pizza. Seat yourself so that you can observe the hustler from the 2nd rate restaurant Suppa di Cozze (sharing the area of the piazza with Da Pasqualino) trying to steal customers away from da Pasqualino. If you think you had nice pizza elsewhere in Italy (I am working on the presumption that there is no such thing as pizza outside Italy) you will be cured of that tragic misunderstanding once you had the first bite of a pizza in Naples. If you want it really cheap and good, go to da Michele. Two types of pizza, Margherita with excellent Mozzarella di Buffalo, and Marinata. Both are first rate. You have beer with Pizza. if you order wine you expose yourself as a nitwit. For sweets, you either go to Ciros at night or Gambrinus during the day. The latter place on a Sunday afternoon is frequented by 'Capo' type elderly Camorrha gentlemen with big Police sunglasses and English suits. Eat the 'Baba', it is a rum-soaked cake. Have lots of coffee. Because Napolitan coffee dudes know how much sugar you will need to enjoy the perfect coffee, they put it into the cup for you. No need to thank them.

Museums
We went to the National Archeological Museum, and the Capodimonte Museum. The former has a lot of Roman trash dug up from that heap otherwise known as Pompeii. J.C. on a bicycle. Make sure you go to see the Cabinetto Seghretto inside the museum to see the Roman era porn locked away until 1999. Very funny. Apart from that the statue of that poor lady tied to the bull's horns in the Farnese collection is just amazing. Capodimonte is an altogether different affair, with about 120 rooms full of paintings from the 12th century to the 19th century. Some amazing originals, including El Greco, Caporetto, Tiziano, and lord knows what. Just go. You won't be disappointed.

Hotels
Do not, under any circumstances, stay in the train station area. 'Seedy' does not even begin to describe it. Choose at least a four-star hotel, unless you don't mind 'decrepit', err, 'with character'. If you have the money, go to the Albhergo Vesuvio (www.vesuvio.it). Double room @ €370/night, but blimey, is it ever worth it. Alternatively Pozzulino, and Merghellina could be nice.

In case of problems
Don't come whingeing. If you complain to someone about something, they will claim it never happened. Then they will blatantly lie to you about it. They will lie to you for longer than you can come up with different versions of the truth. That is fine, and the only reason for trying to keep up with them knowing that you will lose is to see what lengths they'll go to. If you manage to outlast them against expectations, because they are having a bad day on the 'how to invent things that make the silly customer go away' front, they will just shrug their shoulders, and blame the tax system.

All in all, an excellent way to spend a few days off. Now I need a holiday."