SFO (where else?). I'm shown into the Nude-O-Scope. Screener orders me "Empty your pockets!". I tell him I only have a handkerchief, which is is in a pretty unsavory state (owing to my hayfever). He orders me "Take it out!". I do so. He orders me "Hold it in your hand!". I ask him to clarify what he wants me to do as I'm already holding it in my hand. He repeats "Hold it in your hand". I raise my hands in an involuntarily gesture of exasperation. He shouts at me that I'm "acting like a buffoon" and threatens me with not being able to fly out today. He gets the nude picture and, upon exiting, I tell his colleague that I wish to file a complaint. Supervisor gets screener over. Screener has the nerve to suggest that I was trying to hit him (from the Nude-O-Scope? At a distance of several feet?). If he'd only had the grace to say he was sorry I'd have walked away, but no, he has to make an offensive and ludicrous counter-accusation. Supervisor takes down my full detail, including passport and flight number. I'm told to record the incident and enable him to disclose details about agent and ID number, but I'm still a bit wary. Will there be police waiting for me at my gate? We'll see. At least supervisor made a carefully worded apology.

Also, I thought all security at US airport were TSA, but no, this is a private contractor (Covenant). I guess we're heading back towards the regime of the Argenbright geniuses that waved through the 9/11 terrorists...