Awkward Weddings
My sister and brother-in-law demanded my presence in Washington this week due to a somewhat uneasy family situation. His parents remarried after a 12-year divorce. I agreed to attend given the following criteria:
1. I had nothing better to do
2. Access to good wine

An Airport Experiment
I have a few long-haul trips coming up, so I decided to test out a new option. It had occurred to me that my travels might be less stressful if I were to drive to Cincinnati and hop on nonstop flights to Europe and the West Coast, thereby eliminating the hassle of the 20-minute flights between Columbus and Cincinnati. Given that the fare was less than $50 from Cincinnati to Dulles, I decided to use this trip as an experiment.

When pondering the pros and cons of my defection to Cincinnati, I was somehow under the impression that the drive is about 1.5 to 1.75 hours. Oops. Since the airport is on the wrong side of the Kentucky border, the trip exceeds 2 hours. At least parking was easy to find and relatively inexpensive.

24 December
DL 5923 (OH 923) CVG-IAD, CRJ, Seat 3C
The trip through the Cincinnati airport is a long one. First, the dreaded security mess. Although there were probably a dozen passengers, there must have been 20 or more TSA employees standing around doing nothing. Tax dollars at work. I made it through unscathed, but my bag was sequestered in the x-ray machine for 5 minutes while they examined someone else’s bag.

After security, one must take the train to the “B” concourse, then board a bus to the “C” concourse. It’s really quite exhausting.

Boarding began as I arrived at the gate. There was no evidence of gate screening in the Comair terminal; but it was in place in the main part of the building. I can’t keep track of the system anymore.

A pleasant flight attendant, Ruth, ushered everyone on board and we took off with no line, no waiting, etc. During the 50-minute flight, Ruth provided everyone with an endless supply of Biscoff cookies, drinks, etc. and a mint before landing.

It had been a long time since I’d flown on a CRJ. Comair has since fitted its fleet with leather upholstery, which drastically improved the cabin environment. The cabin was a bit too quiet; I was forced to listen to the blaring voice of the woman behind me.

Arrival at Dulles was simple. I hadn’t been there in years… wow! The new “B” gates are beautiful. I always detested Dulles, but it looks so much better now. Once the underground connections are finished, it will be quite a pleasant airport to negotiate.

Embassy Suites, Chevy Chase
The Embassy Suites has a perfect location: a few blocks from my brother-in-law’s family and immediate access to shopping, restaurants, etc. Too bad the rooms are hideous: claustrophobic and cheaply decorated. The walls were nicked and scratched; the heat could not be adjusted and was at sauna level. I barely slept on the fold-out couch, which featured painful metal spars and a 2-inch mattress.

The Embassy Suites does offer a decent health club and pool, as well as an extensive buffet breakfast. The staff were delightful, despite working on Christmas Eve.

The Odd Wedding
I cannot overstate the utility of Cliquot and caviar. The younger generation drank a great deal and observed the “newlyweds” with the most appropriate response: “What the @#$!”


26 December
DL 5832 (OH 832) IAD-CVG, CRJ, Seat 3A
Dulles was again easy to reach and navigate. I used the check-in kiosk, but there were plenty of friendly Delta staff around.

Security was ridiculous. Dulles is on the “new system,” with no gate screening. This meant that three TSA people had to check my boarding card and ID as I waited in line. There would have been no line if they had only one person check IDs and boarding cards. But nooo… first at the entrance to the line, the end of the line, then at the x-ray machine. How can a brand new system be so bureaucratic? The ID checkers spent most of their time yelling at the 5-6 people in line. Why yell if everyone is standing right there?

I waited five minutes (yes, I looked at my watch) while the guy in front of me rearranged his belongings for x-ray purposes. My patience ran very thin, but I made sure that I didn’t flinch.

I stopped to check my email and then headed over to the gate.

We were delayed 30 minutes. The delay was never announced, never posted on the monitor, and nobody apologized. They just acted like nothing happened. I found this to be both irritating and a mistake—I thought that the new rules would require the airlines to explain delays. Maybe it’s one of those rules that says, “If the plane has fewer than 100 seats, you can do whatever you want… shove meat thermometers in to passengers, bark obscenities, etc.”

The flight attendant, Susan, made a point of scrutinizing everyone’s boarding card, even though Comair serves only one destination from Dulles and we had just had our cards scanned by the gate reader. She snapped at me when I held out my boarding card from a distance. I stayed clear of Susan.

The flight was full, and I had the pleasure of sitting next to a malodorous frat-boy. There is a certain volatile combination of time, cheap booze, and cigarettes that results in a powerful, unforgettable scent. I found that I could cover my nose with my arm, using the scent of laundry detergent as a filter.

The flight was a lengthy 1 hour 50 minutes. I attempted to sleep, occasionally waking up to smell my surroundings.

Cincinnati again required a lengthy hike to the main terminal. The worst part is for international arrivals: like Atlanta, one must re-check baggage and clear security a second time even if Cincinnati is the last point in the journey. It seems particularly unpleasant and time-consuming.

It took close to 30 minutes to remove the sheath of ice from my car, primarily by hacking at the ice with brute force.

Conclusions:
Use closest airport
Continue to avoid Comair
So the Cincinnati plan wasn’t so great. At least I wasn’t in a hurry and the ticket was ridiculously cheap—cheaper than Southwest from Columbus to Baltimore.

Comair remains a pain: no first class, cruddy minimum-wage employees, and let’s not talk about the fragrance issues. The distant “C” concourse in Cincinnati is irritating, distant, and not really worth the hike.

Cincinnati is a great place to change planes, but it just doesn’t make sense for me as a point of origin. I’ll just go back to my old ways.

More exciting adventures and subsequent trip reports to follow.

Happy Holidays,

Mats


[This message has been edited by Mats (edited 12-27-2002).]